The Journey

In March of this year, Dave and I spent 24 hours in an introductory training class for foster care and adoption through the State of Oregon.  At the end of this month, or at the beginning of August, we will be meeting with our adoption caseworker to start the process of adopting a foster child or children.  The journey that brought us to this point began almost exactly two years prior.  The Lord began to take the broken vessel of my heart, and create something new.  Gently, lovingly, He drew my focus away from myself and my own desires that I thought were good, to the truth of His love and His great plan.  I’d like to share some of that journey with you.  Not so that you can applaud me, for my heart is human and still fills with fear and selfishness, but so that you can applaud the God who can take a selfish heart, fill it with His love, and turn it into something He can use.

Keep in mind as you read, that the idea of adoption doesn’t even enter into my mind as a possibility until October of 2010.  The frustration and confusion of not being able to conceive more children is an ever-present shadow in my thoughts, but as I look back over my prayers and journal entries, I see God beginning to press the idea into my heart that it is not the plan that matters, or the circumstances, only Him.  Do I know Him, do I believe in His love, and do those things change the way I live my life?

March 12, 2010

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.”  ~Genesis 2:7

If I am made with the breath of God, how does it smell?  Am I breathing Him in?  Am I breathing Him out?  What does it look like to breathe Him out?

Holy Father,

Please breathe on me.  Fill me with Your life.  May every breath in be of You and every breath out be from You.  I want to breathe You deeply.  I want to be close enough to You that I can feel and smell Your breath.  Reveal Yourself to me and then please show me how to breathe You out to others.  Make it as obvious and yet as natural as breathing.  Give me new life in You.  Amen.