The Journey--October-November 2010

October 8, 2010

Matthew 2—the Wise Men

Wise men from the East came to Jerusalem and then to Bethlehem to worship Jesus.  They traveled for miles and miles to a foreign country that would not necessarily respect them, and then to a humble house, an everyday scene of a mother and her son.  They had expected a palace and a royal king, and yet when what they found was not what they expected, they still worshiped and offered extravagant gifts.

Am I willing to go out of my comfort zone for Christ?  When things are not what I expected, do I still worship Him?  Do I give extravagantly of my time and resources and energy to seek and honor Him?

Father,

Open my eyes that I might see You.  Press Your star into my heart that I might know without a doubt where I am to go, how I can serve You.  Please forgive my selfishness and my focus on my own expectations and desires.  Make my desires Yours.  Fill me with You.  Show me the path of Your leading and help me to follow.  Amen. 

 

(It is at this point that God began to impress the path of foster care or adoption into my heart.  I seemed to hear it everywhere from here on out: in sermons, conversations with friends, songs on the radio, in my quiet times.  Everything seemed to speak of God's love for the fatherless and my heart began to ache for all the little ones who don't know that they have a Father in heaven who loves and cherishes them.  And yet I still felt myself hesitant and fearful, and Dave still wasn't sure this was the right path for our family...and so I continued to pray and seek the Lord on this issue.)

 

October 21, 2010

“God is wise in heart and mighty in strength….If He takes away, who can hinder Him?  Who can say to Him, ‘What are You doing?’”  ~Job 9:4-12

Who am I to question what God is doing?  He is wise in heart and mighty in strength.  He tells the mountains, sun and stars where to be; He knows what needs to be in my life, too—with wisdom, strength and love.

 

November 5, 2010

“For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.”  ~Matthew 6:8

(a personal re-wording of the Lord’s Prayer)

Father in heaven, You are holy, set apart, not like anything or anyone on this earth, but so much more, so much greater.  Establish Your kingdom in this world soon, and do it now in my heart, in my life.  Make Your priorities mine, make my focus to be You.  Work Your ways through my life so that all I do is of You and for You.  Replenish the drought of my life each day with the fullness of You.  Give me the peaceful assurance of Your promised provision, day by day.  Help me not to desire more than You’ve determined to give, to want anything outside of Your will.  Please forgive me when I do wrong, when I get so self-focused that I take my eyes off You.  Help me to always remember the fullness of Your love and to treat others with that same love—forgiving all offenses just as You’ve forgiven me.  And do not allow my heart to wander away from the knowledge of who You are, making me susceptible to the lies of satan.  Deliver my heart, my mind and my strength into the knowledge of Your goodness and love, thus sealing my whole being under the power of Your spirit.  All these things are possible for all things are Yours and were created by You, for You and through You.  You are all powerful and all my praise and honor and adoration belong to You.  Amen.

The Journey--June-September 2010

June 4, 2010

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord…” ~Jeremiah 29:11-14

Do not seek the plan, but seek God.  I have always focused on the plan.  His plans are good, it says, so what are they?  But He does not call me to seek the plan, but rather to seek Him, and to do so with all my heart.

Heavenly Father,

I confess that my desire has been and still is to know the plan.  I want to know whether another baby is in Your plan for my life.  Please change my desire from knowing Your plan for me to knowing You.  Reveal Yourself to me.  Show me who You are.  Knit my soul together with Yours that I might go where You go, feel what You feel, be who You are.  I want to seek You alone.  I want my desire to be for You alone.  Fill my heart, make me new.  Change the direction of my life from me to You.  Amen.

 

September 15, 2010

1 Samuel 1:1-18, esp vs 5-6, 8,10,15,18 (Hannah's story--read it, really!)

Lord,

You are my portion, my inheritance, my exceedingly great reward.  You are the Maker of heaven and earth.  You tell the sun when to rise and set.  You tell the rain to fall and the wind to blow.  You hold the whole universe in balance—and You have created me.  My soul was in anguish, but You have brought me comfort.  My heart was overcome by bitterness, but You have pulled out those roots and cast them aside.  In Your presence, Lord, I am filled.  In Your arms, I am at peace.  You know my desire for another child; I pray that You would open my womb.  But I also pray that as I wait, You would fill me completely.  Give me joy in the knowledge of who You are and what You can do.  You have given me Your Son—that is enough.  May my life here on earth be worthy of that gift.  Reveal Yourself to me that I might share You with others.  Open my mind and heart and flow through my pen into the hearts of those who need You and need to know You.  Give me direction, Lord, and may I use this time you’ve given me for Your glory.  I don’t want to waste this gift because I’m too focused on the desire for a different one.  Give me the words to reach the lost, the broken and the down-hearted.  May they know the love You have for them.  Love that can surpass any grief they bear.  Show me where to begin.  What is my story, Lord?  Help me make it Yours.  Amen.

 

(this was the start of my blog and the beginning of a shift in focus from what I wanted to what God might want for me)

The Journey--May 2010

May 14, 2010

Exodus 14-15

The Lord says twice in this section of Scripture that the purpose of the Red Sea crossing was so that the Egyptians would know that He is the Lord.  He took the Israelites the “long way” (13:17-18) so that He could display His power over the Egyptians.  Where is God taking me “the long way”?  What’s my perspective?  Am I focused on me and what I want and how this affects my life?  Or do I trust God and know that everything He does has purpose and may not even have anything to do with me? 

God is perfectly capable of anything, so if “nothing” seems to be happening, it’s for His purpose.  And if I’m stuck at the Red Sea, I need to stand still and hold my peace for God is about to move…

Lord,

Help me see Your perspective.  Help me not to be so self-centered that I miss Your purpose.  May my eyes be only on You and not on my circumstances.  Amen.

May 28, 2010—this is the day in which I felt in my heart that the Lord was going to ask me to do something big, only I had no idea what that was going to be…

 Joshua 3: 5, 13, 17

“And Joshua said to the people, ‘Sanctify yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you’.”

“And it shall come to pass, as soon as the soles of the feet of the priests who bear the ark of the LORD, the Lord of all the earth, shall rest in the waters of the Jordan, that the waters of the Jordan shall be cut off, the waters that come down from upstream, and they shall stand as a heap.”

“Then the priests who bore the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firm on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan…”

We have to be set apart in preparation for the wonders of the Lord, His work in our life.  Otherwise we miss the point, or miss the work completely. 

Oftentimes we have to get our feet wet to experience the hand of the Lord in our lives, or to move forward in our walk with Him.  When we trust Him and get our feet wet, He will make us stand firm on dry ground in the midst of our circumstances.

 Am I willing to get my feet wet?  Where is God asking me to move forward and trust Him? 

Lord,

You haven’t even asked me to do anything and already I feel myself wavering.  And yet, I want to get my feet wet if it means experiencing You.  Prepare me now that I might be effective for You when the time comes.  And when the time comes for me to jump in, please make Your directive obvious.  Amen.

The Journey (cont)

April 16, 2010

“Trust in the Lord, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

 ~Proverbs 37:3-4

I used to think that if you trusted in the Lord, and leaned on Him, etc. that He would then give you the “desires of your heart” as a reward for being faithful.  But I’m coming to learn that if we truly do the first 3 lines of this section of Psalm 37, our desires will no longer be for the selfish things we want, but for the Lord Himself.

O Lord,

You are the fulfillment of my every need.  You gave Your life that I might have everything.  You are everything.  You are all I need.  Help me give up my desires, burn them in the fire of Your love until all that is left is You.  I want to desire You alone.  I want You to fill my life completely.  I want so much of You that I cannot contain You within myself.  I give the desires of my heart to You—namely, a baby and any future family plans.  Burn them until all that is left is You.  I love You, and I want Your love to be enough for me, every minute of every day.  In Your precious Name, Amen.

May 7, 2010

“And God spoke to Moses and said to him: ‘I am the LORD.  I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, as God Almighty, but by My name LORD I was not known to them.  I have also established My covenant with them, to give them the land of Canaan, the land of their pilgrimage, in which they were strangers.  And I have also heard the groaning of the children of Israel whom the Egyptians keep in bondage, and I have remembered My covenant.  Therefore say to the children of Israel: “I am the LORD; I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, I will rescue you from their bondage, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great judgments.  I will take you as My people, and I will be your God.  Then you shall know that I am the LORD your God who brings you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.  And I will bring you into the land which I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; and I will give it to you as a heritage; I am the LORD”.’  So Moses spoke thus to the children of Israel; but they did not heed Moses, because of anguish of spirit and cruel bondage.”  ~Exodus 6: 2-9

The Israelites were on the verge of an incredible ride with God.  They were about to witness His character in phenomenal ways.  They were just given His personal promise of redemption, yet they were so caught up in their current circumstances that they missed the comfort of God’s hand.  They were gasping for air even though God had just offered them the breath of life.

Am I so focused on me and my life that I miss God’s offer of milk and honey?  He longs to reveal Himself to me, to encourage me, to walk with me.  Am I looking for Him and trusting in Him, or am I just gasping for air?

Lord, I want to know You.  Not just one aspect of You, but You.  Help me to see you in every minute of every day.  May I not miss any revelation of Yourself.  Amen

Interestingly, it was about this time that I spoke with a friend at a baby shower casually about her job.  She works with the foster care system in our State, and she spoke to me about the great need for families to take in these children.  She even somewhat jokingly, somewhat seriously, asked if I would be interested.  If I recall, I gave her an emphatic "No."  Little did I know that God had other plans...

The Journey (cont'd)

March 19, 2010

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.”  ~Genesis 3:7

Adam and Eve became aware and ashamed of their nakedness and took it upon themselves to provide for their perceived need, to cover up their vulnerability.  Without full confidence and belief in God’s love for them, they suddenly felt inadequate and self-conscious and prideful in regards to themselves and each other.  Their thoughts turned inward for the first time.  Without full confidence and belief in God’s love for me, I allow my inadequacies and pride and selfishness to take over.  My thoughts turn inward instead of upward and outward.

In what area of my life do I need to trust in God’s love and move forward? 

                As Ruthie (age 2) pushed her baby stroller, she became so fascinated with her own feet that time after time she would steer the stroller, or rather follow it, off the gravel road and get stuck in the grass.  I kept telling her to look up ahead and watch where she was going.  She would do this for a time and stay on the road, but the temptation to look down would always take over.  Ruthie’s issue was most likely more about being 2 ½ than it was about trusting me, but what about me?  Do I trust God and His ways?  Or do I get fascinated with myself and my ways, steering my life off God’s path and onto rougher terrain?

                Lately, I find myself like Ruthie, bouncing back and forth between walking confidently in God’s path, bumpy as it may be, trusting in His love and desire for my good, and turning my focus inward, allowing doubts and questions and desires to cloud my vision and turn my steps to more halting terrain.  Most of these doubts and desires have to do with our “family plan.”  Why am I 33 with only 1 child?  Why a miscarriage?  Why not more children?  Why?  Why?  Why?  But when I go down that road I find it is no road at all, but a dead end.  And I hear the voice of my Father saying, “Trust Me.  I love you.  My plans for you are good and full of hope.”  And I turn back toward His love and His path and keep my head up and find that I am surrounded by beauty—birds singing, trees sprouting leaves, blue sky, warm sun.  The road is bumpy, yes, but it is good, and it has a future.

Lord, help me to stay on Your path of love.  Do not let me get distracted by my own selfish desires, and thus follow my own false path.  Amen.

The Journey

In March of this year, Dave and I spent 24 hours in an introductory training class for foster care and adoption through the State of Oregon.  At the end of this month, or at the beginning of August, we will be meeting with our adoption caseworker to start the process of adopting a foster child or children.  The journey that brought us to this point began almost exactly two years prior.  The Lord began to take the broken vessel of my heart, and create something new.  Gently, lovingly, He drew my focus away from myself and my own desires that I thought were good, to the truth of His love and His great plan.  I’d like to share some of that journey with you.  Not so that you can applaud me, for my heart is human and still fills with fear and selfishness, but so that you can applaud the God who can take a selfish heart, fill it with His love, and turn it into something He can use.

Keep in mind as you read, that the idea of adoption doesn’t even enter into my mind as a possibility until October of 2010.  The frustration and confusion of not being able to conceive more children is an ever-present shadow in my thoughts, but as I look back over my prayers and journal entries, I see God beginning to press the idea into my heart that it is not the plan that matters, or the circumstances, only Him.  Do I know Him, do I believe in His love, and do those things change the way I live my life?

March 12, 2010

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.”  ~Genesis 2:7

If I am made with the breath of God, how does it smell?  Am I breathing Him in?  Am I breathing Him out?  What does it look like to breathe Him out?

Holy Father,

Please breathe on me.  Fill me with Your life.  May every breath in be of You and every breath out be from You.  I want to breathe You deeply.  I want to be close enough to You that I can feel and smell Your breath.  Reveal Yourself to me and then please show me how to breathe You out to others.  Make it as obvious and yet as natural as breathing.  Give me new life in You.  Amen.

Redeemed

On her nightstand, Ruthie has a small cross that looks as though it’s built of stones stacked upon each other.  Each stone has a name of Jesus inscribed on it, front and back.  It’s a gift we received as a family for Christmas, but Ruthie has claimed it as hers.  Lately, our bedtime routine includes reading each of the names on the cross.  We’ve done it enough times that Ruthie now has them memorized.

In our bedtime prayer the other night, I thanked Jesus for redeeming us, as ‘Redeemer’ was one of the names we had just read.  When I finished praying, Ruthie asked, “Mom, what does ‘redeem’ mean?”

“Well, it means ‘to buy back’,” I replied, wondering how to explain this to a four-year-old who really should be sleeping.  “If Bunny got lost and someone else said she was theirs, you would offer that person something, anything in trade for your bunny so she could be yours again, right?”

She nodded.

“You would buy her back to be yours again because you love her so much.  A long time ago, when Adam and Eve ate the fruit God told them not to eat, they let sin into the world and into our hearts.  Then the devil thought, ‘Aha!  Now all God’s children are mine!  They belong to me.’  But God said, ‘Absolutely not!  I love them; they are mine.’  And you know what He did?  He loved us so much that He bought us back from the devil.  Do you know how He did that?”

Ruthie shook her head, eyes bright with anticipation.

“He bought us back with Jesus.  Jesus gave up His life so that we wouldn’t have to belong to sin and the devil, we could be God’s children.  That’s why He died on the cross, so we could be His again.  He loved us that much.”

A smile broke across Ruthie’s face, and then her brow furrowed, “Why did Adam and Eve eat that fruit?”

“Because they believed the snake, the devil, instead of God.  They didn’t really trust God and believe that He loved them.”

“They should have shot that snake.”

“Yes, they should have,” I smiled.  Oh, what an easier world this would be.  “But you know what?  You can shoot him.  Every time you feel like you want to do something you’re not supposed to do, like throw a fit, just shoot it.  Shoot that fit.  That would be sort of like shooting the snake.  Or if you feel like you want to lie, you shoot that lie and tell the truth instead.  Because you know what?  You are a child of God; you belong to Him.  He redeemed you.  He loves you.”

“Is there still a snake?” she asked, unsure of what that might mean. 

“Yes, only he’s not a snake.  He’s called the devil, or satan.  We can’t see him, but he’s the one who tries to get us to sin and do the things we’re not supposed to do.”  I could see fear brewing in her features, so I added, “But we don’t have to be afraid of him, you know why?  ‘Cause God is bigger,” I said, with dramatic emphasis on “bigger.”

There was that smile again.

“And He already beat that devil when He came back to life again after dying on the cross.  So don’t you worry.  You just shoot that sin and remember you belong to God, the Winner!”

I gave her a kiss, tucked her snugly into her covers and watched as she contentedly turned to her side, still smiling.

A few minutes later, I had to go back into her room to grab something.  I found her standing on her bed, delighted.  She was looking at one of her preschool projects that hung on her wall next to her bed.  “Mom, look!  Let me read this to you.” And, from memory she read the printed words that wrapped around the construction paper “world” containing her handprints: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son.  John 3:16.”  She turned to me and smiled with a look of understanding on her face that seemed to say, “He gave His only Son, Jesus, just like you said.  He redeemed us!”

I don’t know if that’s what she was thinking, or if she was just trying to delay bedtime.  But either way, the evening has stayed with me.  Partly because I love it when I can see a glimpse of spiritual awakening in my daughter’s heart, and partly because of what she taught me.

We have a God who loved us so much He bought us back from certain disaster with His own Son, His own life.  And He defeated the power of sin in the process.

Adam and Eve should have shot that snake in the Garden.  But they didn’t.  So let’s shoot him now.