The Journey (cont)

April 16, 2010

“Trust in the Lord, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

 ~Proverbs 37:3-4

I used to think that if you trusted in the Lord, and leaned on Him, etc. that He would then give you the “desires of your heart” as a reward for being faithful.  But I’m coming to learn that if we truly do the first 3 lines of this section of Psalm 37, our desires will no longer be for the selfish things we want, but for the Lord Himself.

O Lord,

You are the fulfillment of my every need.  You gave Your life that I might have everything.  You are everything.  You are all I need.  Help me give up my desires, burn them in the fire of Your love until all that is left is You.  I want to desire You alone.  I want You to fill my life completely.  I want so much of You that I cannot contain You within myself.  I give the desires of my heart to You—namely, a baby and any future family plans.  Burn them until all that is left is You.  I love You, and I want Your love to be enough for me, every minute of every day.  In Your precious Name, Amen.

May 7, 2010

“And God spoke to Moses and said to him: ‘I am the LORD.  I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, as God Almighty, but by My name LORD I was not known to them.  I have also established My covenant with them, to give them the land of Canaan, the land of their pilgrimage, in which they were strangers.  And I have also heard the groaning of the children of Israel whom the Egyptians keep in bondage, and I have remembered My covenant.  Therefore say to the children of Israel: “I am the LORD; I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, I will rescue you from their bondage, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great judgments.  I will take you as My people, and I will be your God.  Then you shall know that I am the LORD your God who brings you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.  And I will bring you into the land which I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; and I will give it to you as a heritage; I am the LORD”.’  So Moses spoke thus to the children of Israel; but they did not heed Moses, because of anguish of spirit and cruel bondage.”  ~Exodus 6: 2-9

The Israelites were on the verge of an incredible ride with God.  They were about to witness His character in phenomenal ways.  They were just given His personal promise of redemption, yet they were so caught up in their current circumstances that they missed the comfort of God’s hand.  They were gasping for air even though God had just offered them the breath of life.

Am I so focused on me and my life that I miss God’s offer of milk and honey?  He longs to reveal Himself to me, to encourage me, to walk with me.  Am I looking for Him and trusting in Him, or am I just gasping for air?

Lord, I want to know You.  Not just one aspect of You, but You.  Help me to see you in every minute of every day.  May I not miss any revelation of Yourself.  Amen

Interestingly, it was about this time that I spoke with a friend at a baby shower casually about her job.  She works with the foster care system in our State, and she spoke to me about the great need for families to take in these children.  She even somewhat jokingly, somewhat seriously, asked if I would be interested.  If I recall, I gave her an emphatic "No."  Little did I know that God had other plans...

The Journey (cont'd)

March 19, 2010

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.”  ~Genesis 3:7

Adam and Eve became aware and ashamed of their nakedness and took it upon themselves to provide for their perceived need, to cover up their vulnerability.  Without full confidence and belief in God’s love for them, they suddenly felt inadequate and self-conscious and prideful in regards to themselves and each other.  Their thoughts turned inward for the first time.  Without full confidence and belief in God’s love for me, I allow my inadequacies and pride and selfishness to take over.  My thoughts turn inward instead of upward and outward.

In what area of my life do I need to trust in God’s love and move forward? 

                As Ruthie (age 2) pushed her baby stroller, she became so fascinated with her own feet that time after time she would steer the stroller, or rather follow it, off the gravel road and get stuck in the grass.  I kept telling her to look up ahead and watch where she was going.  She would do this for a time and stay on the road, but the temptation to look down would always take over.  Ruthie’s issue was most likely more about being 2 ½ than it was about trusting me, but what about me?  Do I trust God and His ways?  Or do I get fascinated with myself and my ways, steering my life off God’s path and onto rougher terrain?

                Lately, I find myself like Ruthie, bouncing back and forth between walking confidently in God’s path, bumpy as it may be, trusting in His love and desire for my good, and turning my focus inward, allowing doubts and questions and desires to cloud my vision and turn my steps to more halting terrain.  Most of these doubts and desires have to do with our “family plan.”  Why am I 33 with only 1 child?  Why a miscarriage?  Why not more children?  Why?  Why?  Why?  But when I go down that road I find it is no road at all, but a dead end.  And I hear the voice of my Father saying, “Trust Me.  I love you.  My plans for you are good and full of hope.”  And I turn back toward His love and His path and keep my head up and find that I am surrounded by beauty—birds singing, trees sprouting leaves, blue sky, warm sun.  The road is bumpy, yes, but it is good, and it has a future.

Lord, help me to stay on Your path of love.  Do not let me get distracted by my own selfish desires, and thus follow my own false path.  Amen.

The Journey

In March of this year, Dave and I spent 24 hours in an introductory training class for foster care and adoption through the State of Oregon.  At the end of this month, or at the beginning of August, we will be meeting with our adoption caseworker to start the process of adopting a foster child or children.  The journey that brought us to this point began almost exactly two years prior.  The Lord began to take the broken vessel of my heart, and create something new.  Gently, lovingly, He drew my focus away from myself and my own desires that I thought were good, to the truth of His love and His great plan.  I’d like to share some of that journey with you.  Not so that you can applaud me, for my heart is human and still fills with fear and selfishness, but so that you can applaud the God who can take a selfish heart, fill it with His love, and turn it into something He can use.

Keep in mind as you read, that the idea of adoption doesn’t even enter into my mind as a possibility until October of 2010.  The frustration and confusion of not being able to conceive more children is an ever-present shadow in my thoughts, but as I look back over my prayers and journal entries, I see God beginning to press the idea into my heart that it is not the plan that matters, or the circumstances, only Him.  Do I know Him, do I believe in His love, and do those things change the way I live my life?

March 12, 2010

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.”  ~Genesis 2:7

If I am made with the breath of God, how does it smell?  Am I breathing Him in?  Am I breathing Him out?  What does it look like to breathe Him out?

Holy Father,

Please breathe on me.  Fill me with Your life.  May every breath in be of You and every breath out be from You.  I want to breathe You deeply.  I want to be close enough to You that I can feel and smell Your breath.  Reveal Yourself to me and then please show me how to breathe You out to others.  Make it as obvious and yet as natural as breathing.  Give me new life in You.  Amen.

Redeemed

On her nightstand, Ruthie has a small cross that looks as though it’s built of stones stacked upon each other.  Each stone has a name of Jesus inscribed on it, front and back.  It’s a gift we received as a family for Christmas, but Ruthie has claimed it as hers.  Lately, our bedtime routine includes reading each of the names on the cross.  We’ve done it enough times that Ruthie now has them memorized.

In our bedtime prayer the other night, I thanked Jesus for redeeming us, as ‘Redeemer’ was one of the names we had just read.  When I finished praying, Ruthie asked, “Mom, what does ‘redeem’ mean?”

“Well, it means ‘to buy back’,” I replied, wondering how to explain this to a four-year-old who really should be sleeping.  “If Bunny got lost and someone else said she was theirs, you would offer that person something, anything in trade for your bunny so she could be yours again, right?”

She nodded.

“You would buy her back to be yours again because you love her so much.  A long time ago, when Adam and Eve ate the fruit God told them not to eat, they let sin into the world and into our hearts.  Then the devil thought, ‘Aha!  Now all God’s children are mine!  They belong to me.’  But God said, ‘Absolutely not!  I love them; they are mine.’  And you know what He did?  He loved us so much that He bought us back from the devil.  Do you know how He did that?”

Ruthie shook her head, eyes bright with anticipation.

“He bought us back with Jesus.  Jesus gave up His life so that we wouldn’t have to belong to sin and the devil, we could be God’s children.  That’s why He died on the cross, so we could be His again.  He loved us that much.”

A smile broke across Ruthie’s face, and then her brow furrowed, “Why did Adam and Eve eat that fruit?”

“Because they believed the snake, the devil, instead of God.  They didn’t really trust God and believe that He loved them.”

“They should have shot that snake.”

“Yes, they should have,” I smiled.  Oh, what an easier world this would be.  “But you know what?  You can shoot him.  Every time you feel like you want to do something you’re not supposed to do, like throw a fit, just shoot it.  Shoot that fit.  That would be sort of like shooting the snake.  Or if you feel like you want to lie, you shoot that lie and tell the truth instead.  Because you know what?  You are a child of God; you belong to Him.  He redeemed you.  He loves you.”

“Is there still a snake?” she asked, unsure of what that might mean. 

“Yes, only he’s not a snake.  He’s called the devil, or satan.  We can’t see him, but he’s the one who tries to get us to sin and do the things we’re not supposed to do.”  I could see fear brewing in her features, so I added, “But we don’t have to be afraid of him, you know why?  ‘Cause God is bigger,” I said, with dramatic emphasis on “bigger.”

There was that smile again.

“And He already beat that devil when He came back to life again after dying on the cross.  So don’t you worry.  You just shoot that sin and remember you belong to God, the Winner!”

I gave her a kiss, tucked her snugly into her covers and watched as she contentedly turned to her side, still smiling.

A few minutes later, I had to go back into her room to grab something.  I found her standing on her bed, delighted.  She was looking at one of her preschool projects that hung on her wall next to her bed.  “Mom, look!  Let me read this to you.” And, from memory she read the printed words that wrapped around the construction paper “world” containing her handprints: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son.  John 3:16.”  She turned to me and smiled with a look of understanding on her face that seemed to say, “He gave His only Son, Jesus, just like you said.  He redeemed us!”

I don’t know if that’s what she was thinking, or if she was just trying to delay bedtime.  But either way, the evening has stayed with me.  Partly because I love it when I can see a glimpse of spiritual awakening in my daughter’s heart, and partly because of what she taught me.

We have a God who loved us so much He bought us back from certain disaster with His own Son, His own life.  And He defeated the power of sin in the process.

Adam and Eve should have shot that snake in the Garden.  But they didn’t.  So let’s shoot him now.

Happy Valentine's Day

Our annual Valentine letter:

February 2012

The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope.  ~Samuel Johnson

Hope: to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence

Dave hopes for time and money and perfect weather to plant and fence the 3 acre pasture he cleared this last Spring.  He hopes for cows and pigs and turkeys.  He hopes for sunny, rainless weekends with no wind so he can work outside and do what he enjoys.   He hopes to have many more meals made entirely from our little piece of nature, like the few we had this year.  Our favorite was barbequed grouse (which Dave spontaneously hunted armed with only a rock and a bit of good luck, I mean, aim), roasted potatoes, and green beans.   He hopes to one day be able to live completely off the land. 

Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out well

Ruthie hopes people will know her thoughts so she won’t have to talk (this is something she actually said to me, not just something I’ve inferred).  I saw this evidenced one morning, early in the year, when I dropped Ruthie off at preschool.  I noticed she went directly to a table, sat down, and quietly folded her hands.  I watched her for a few minutes, just sitting there, when the teacher noticed her and said, “Would you like some playdough, Ruthie?”  Ruthie smiled and nodded.  Later, I asked Ruthie about what I saw.  Apparently, it’s fairly routine for her to just sit there and wait for the playdough to appear.  “Do you ever ask your teacher for the playdough?” I wondered.  “No,” she replied.  “I just wait and hope.”  She also hopes she can have a beach party this year for her fifth birthday, something she’s been planning since the day she turned four.  She hopes that when she goes to the Monster Truck show with her dad this month, she’ll get to see a truck fly and that there will be one that’s blue and black, her new favorite colors.  She hopes that I’ll have endless hours with nothing to do but play with her or watch her twirl or hop on one foot or demonstrate some amazing new skill.  She hopes to grow up and be “just a mommy,” and by “just” she means motherhood as her only profession. 

Hope: to feel that something desired may happen

I hope to somehow find more time in my day, or to be organized enough to actually write regularly on my blog—sorry to those of you who actually read it.  I hope I’m making good choices as a mom, about where to send Ruthie to school, about how much time to spend on my chores and how much to spend fulfilling Ruthie’s above mentioned hopes about how I spend my time.  I hope Ruthie remembers the good times we have together and not the times I lose my patience.  I hope, having now been married for a full decade, I’ve learned a little about being a good wife and that I’ll learn even more over the next ten years.

Hope: a person or thing in which expectations are centered

This Valentine’s Day, we hope that you, “being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17-19).  “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts…” (Romans 5:5).  May you find your hope in Him.

Love,

Dave, Tiffany, and Ruthie

Merry Christmas

            Over the course of this Advent season, my family has been counting the days until Christmas by looking at a different name of Jesus each day.  I am overwhelmed by the awesomeness of God.

            He is Immanuel, God with us.  He is the Prince of Peace.  He is the King of Kings.  He is Lord and Savior.  He is Christ, the Messiah.  He is the Light of the World and the Bright Morning Star.  He is the Bread of Life.  He is the Word.  He is the Great Physician.  He is the Lamb of God and the Lion of the Tribe of Judah.  He is Rabbi and Teacher.  He is the Chief Cornerstone.  He is our Friend.  He is the Good Shepherd.  He is a Servant.  He is our Redeemer.  He is the Great I AM.  He is the Alpha and the Omega.  He IS…

            And yet, “Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”  Philippians 2:5-11

Merry Christmas~

May you be filled to overflowing with the incredible love of God.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

"Mom," Ruthie said to me the other day, "will you write down Rosie's story for me?"

"Sure," I said as I grabbed a piece of paper. 

Ruthie picked up Rosie, her pink stuffed dog, and began to "read" Rosie's tag to me:

"God is love forever and for always and for everyone."

"Is that all?" I asked.

"And, God keeps you safe from monsters. The End."

Wow.  A story for us all to take to heart, I think.